staxxy: (sad)
#1 not everybody mourns publicly - what does this mean? It means that *they* are not likely to be at any memorials or wakes. This does *not* mean that anyone should press them about it. This does *not* mean that it is an open invitation for giving someone the 3rd degree. Chill the fuck out people.

#2 some people *do* mourn publicly - what does this mean? It means that being with friends and loved ones helps them get through the closure process. It does not mean they are "deathfuckers" or any charming epithets like that. It means that this is how they mourn. Once again, chill the fuck out people.

#3 a lot of people are extra sensitive emotionally today - Jessica's death aside, there are a remarkable amount of stresses on each of us and it is really just compounded by our emotions regarding Jessica. *PLEASE* try very hard to not read between the lines on anything anyone says today. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT IMPLY SHIT AT PEOPLE SO THEY HAVE TO. :D Thanks.

#4 I may or may not cry. I don't like to cry in public. It is a psychological stigma that I retain from my childhood. get over it.

#5 Try to remember that everyone is upset, and try to be a little sensitive with the language you choose. (ooo I am being all hypocritical here and I admit it. This post is a little abrupt, but I needed to say this fast and clean. Sorry if anyone is upset at all, it is not my intention to upset people just to bring a little bit of a reality check to things.

I am off now.
staxxy: (frustrated)
EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO GREIVE.

EVERY-FUCKING-ONE.

No one has the right to say "well, you did not know her as long as I did so you have no right to be upset you poser (poseur) ". If you feel you have the right to do this about Jessica you are A FUCKING MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HER. This was he BIGGEST PET PEEVE from when Victor died. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ATTENTION WHORING LITTLE SHIT. SUCK IT UP AND FUCKING DEAL WITH FACT THAT HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE LOVED HER TOO. If you really can not deal with the fact that she was unanimously respected (even by those she did not get along with) and admired in our community and the SEVERAL OTHERS she has been part of over the years, lock yourself in your fucking apartment and keep it to yourself then. Keep your bullshit off of her. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS LEVEL OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS HER FROM *ANYONE*. She had very strong and definite views on this subject and she carried the damn soapbox in her pocket.

I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU ARE MOURNING HER LOSS AS SOMEONE WHO ONLY RESPECTED HER WORK AND HER GENIOUS, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM NOW (to whom I can HONESTLY say this does not IN ANY WAY APPLY BECAUSE WE *DO* ALREADY KNOW BETTER) - IF YOU PULL THIS SHIT ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR IF SOMEONE POINTS IT OUT TO ME I WILL BE RIPPING YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND I AM BETTER AT THAT THAN *SHE* WAS (which, if you knew her even half as well as you are trying to convey you did, should tell you something), AND THAT IS *IF* ONE OF HER OTHER BEST FRIENDS DOES NOT BEAT ME TO THE FUCKING PUNCH.

We are not going to play this hierarchal "who has any rights to be here* bullshit. There will be a public memorial and a public wake, TO WHICH EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO BE THERE (TO GRIEVE OR MOURN OR SHOW RESPECT OR SHOW SUPPORT TO HER MOM) IS WELCOME. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH *THAT* YOU CAN TAKE IT UP WITH ME.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

That said, on a slightly different note:


NOT ONLY DOES EVERYONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GRIEVE, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO SO IN THEIR OWN FUCKING WAY.
IF SOMEONE DOES NOT FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT TO YOU, LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT IT.

Everybody deals with death in their own time and in their own way. Just because someone does not want to discuss her with you it does not mean you should take it as a personal slight from them or believe that they are being an asshole. If you need an analogy for this think of it this way - your grief is as private as your sexual preferences, it is mostly okay for people to ask if you like one gender or the other but it is not really okay to ask someone you don't really know well what their specific kinks are or to be all pissy if they call TMI if you want to tell them ALL ABOUT YOURS.

Bare in mind that Jessica was a busy girl, she cared about a lot of people, she lived a lot in her life and she went out of her way for people all the time. A lot of people cared about her, it is *NORMAL* for people to have MUCH shorter fuses when they are hurting from grief. Try to remember that, take things that offend you with a little grain of salt, give people a little benefit of the doubt. give people a little room for a while. I know we will all be a lot happier for it.

Feel free to link/paste this text in your LJ. If you do put it in your LJ, please be sure to provide a link back to me so I can put the kybosh on those who need it. thanks!

There will be more posts on details of services in the next few days. My plate is a little full at the *moment*. keep watching *here* for more.
staxxy: (look up)
As Ogre said - if you remember where you were on this day, the odds are good you are from the PNW. and I am.

I was in the mountains that day (cut because it is kinda long, I was in *those* mountains that day) )
staxxy: (sick)
Specifically *my blood*... more specifically, My heart. A lot of you on my friends list are fairly new friends and so you do not remember when I had a heart attack 10 years ago and how everything in my life suddenly CHANGED.

So, they are sending me in for Stress Testing. And lately my heart has been more of an issue.

And the threat of the Defibrilator used on your while you are awake so they can slow your heart down is one hell of a motivator.

So this is me clearly stating my boundries again. Most everyone has already heard this, but A lot of things have really been crystalizing for me the last few weeks about my relationships with people.

I honestly do not have time for mind games or passive aggressive bullshit in my direction. If you want something from me, want me to treat you some certain way, do something for you, whatever - FUCKING ASK ME. Really, odds are that I will say yes, none of you has had any unrealisitic requests from me so far. If I say no, no amount of manipulation is going to change my mind. Altho, if you do use manipulation on me (or try) to get something, you are far less likely to get it than just asking. Manipulation irritates me at the best of times, and right now it's a real deal breaker, my heart is too fragile - literally.

If we are having any kind of tense, exuberant, energetic, or whatever conversation/argument/debate and I say "we have to stop for a little while" this is NON NEGOTIABLE, it means my heart is freaking out from the adreniline, and I need to let it rest for a little while. most of the time that just means a change of topic for 5 or 10 minutes. Then we can go back to where we were. IF YOU CAN NOT TAKE THE STOP NOW HINT I WILL HAVE TO STOP TALKING TO YOU PERIOD. There is no reason for ANYONE to be careless with my LIFE. Period.

that's really it. Not really pointing fingers or anything, honest. I just want to make sure it is very clear what the boundries are right now. Things are a little more scary for me right now than is normal - so I have to play things really close.

Really, I play these rules both ways. I am pretty blunt about asking, and I respect the "we need to change topics for a little while" reqests too.

Everyone needs solid boundries. These are mine.

and, OO LOOK IT'S A PUBLIC POST. BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS!!!

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