staxxy: (sad)
#1 not everybody mourns publicly - what does this mean? It means that *they* are not likely to be at any memorials or wakes. This does *not* mean that anyone should press them about it. This does *not* mean that it is an open invitation for giving someone the 3rd degree. Chill the fuck out people.

#2 some people *do* mourn publicly - what does this mean? It means that being with friends and loved ones helps them get through the closure process. It does not mean they are "deathfuckers" or any charming epithets like that. It means that this is how they mourn. Once again, chill the fuck out people.

#3 a lot of people are extra sensitive emotionally today - Jessica's death aside, there are a remarkable amount of stresses on each of us and it is really just compounded by our emotions regarding Jessica. *PLEASE* try very hard to not read between the lines on anything anyone says today. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT IMPLY SHIT AT PEOPLE SO THEY HAVE TO. :D Thanks.

#4 I may or may not cry. I don't like to cry in public. It is a psychological stigma that I retain from my childhood. get over it.

#5 Try to remember that everyone is upset, and try to be a little sensitive with the language you choose. (ooo I am being all hypocritical here and I admit it. This post is a little abrupt, but I needed to say this fast and clean. Sorry if anyone is upset at all, it is not my intention to upset people just to bring a little bit of a reality check to things.

I am off now.
staxxy: (frustrated)
EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO GREIVE.

EVERY-FUCKING-ONE.

No one has the right to say "well, you did not know her as long as I did so you have no right to be upset you poser (poseur) ". If you feel you have the right to do this about Jessica you are A FUCKING MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HER. This was he BIGGEST PET PEEVE from when Victor died. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ATTENTION WHORING LITTLE SHIT. SUCK IT UP AND FUCKING DEAL WITH FACT THAT HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE LOVED HER TOO. If you really can not deal with the fact that she was unanimously respected (even by those she did not get along with) and admired in our community and the SEVERAL OTHERS she has been part of over the years, lock yourself in your fucking apartment and keep it to yourself then. Keep your bullshit off of her. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS LEVEL OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS HER FROM *ANYONE*. She had very strong and definite views on this subject and she carried the damn soapbox in her pocket.

I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU ARE MOURNING HER LOSS AS SOMEONE WHO ONLY RESPECTED HER WORK AND HER GENIOUS, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM NOW (to whom I can HONESTLY say this does not IN ANY WAY APPLY BECAUSE WE *DO* ALREADY KNOW BETTER) - IF YOU PULL THIS SHIT ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR IF SOMEONE POINTS IT OUT TO ME I WILL BE RIPPING YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND I AM BETTER AT THAT THAN *SHE* WAS (which, if you knew her even half as well as you are trying to convey you did, should tell you something), AND THAT IS *IF* ONE OF HER OTHER BEST FRIENDS DOES NOT BEAT ME TO THE FUCKING PUNCH.

We are not going to play this hierarchal "who has any rights to be here* bullshit. There will be a public memorial and a public wake, TO WHICH EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO BE THERE (TO GRIEVE OR MOURN OR SHOW RESPECT OR SHOW SUPPORT TO HER MOM) IS WELCOME. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH *THAT* YOU CAN TAKE IT UP WITH ME.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

That said, on a slightly different note:


NOT ONLY DOES EVERYONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GRIEVE, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO SO IN THEIR OWN FUCKING WAY.
IF SOMEONE DOES NOT FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT TO YOU, LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT IT.

Everybody deals with death in their own time and in their own way. Just because someone does not want to discuss her with you it does not mean you should take it as a personal slight from them or believe that they are being an asshole. If you need an analogy for this think of it this way - your grief is as private as your sexual preferences, it is mostly okay for people to ask if you like one gender or the other but it is not really okay to ask someone you don't really know well what their specific kinks are or to be all pissy if they call TMI if you want to tell them ALL ABOUT YOURS.

Bare in mind that Jessica was a busy girl, she cared about a lot of people, she lived a lot in her life and she went out of her way for people all the time. A lot of people cared about her, it is *NORMAL* for people to have MUCH shorter fuses when they are hurting from grief. Try to remember that, take things that offend you with a little grain of salt, give people a little benefit of the doubt. give people a little room for a while. I know we will all be a lot happier for it.

Feel free to link/paste this text in your LJ. If you do put it in your LJ, please be sure to provide a link back to me so I can put the kybosh on those who need it. thanks!

There will be more posts on details of services in the next few days. My plate is a little full at the *moment*. keep watching *here* for more.
staxxy: (look up)
yet another one of those concepts that just mystifies me. Realistically, Humans (as a race)should be horrified and embarrassed by the things that humans (as a race) have done to one another. To say that one nationality, religion, or skin tone should feel guilty about what other people of that same nationality, religion, or skin tone did more than 100 years previous is ridiculous.

This goes back to something (I believe it was) you said earlier this week about treating people like *people*. You want good service in a restaurant, treat the staff like they have souls and lives. If you want to "make a difference" in how people treat each other, treat everyone like they have a life and soul. It's not fucking hard.

Give special treatment to people who have earned that sort of treatment from *you*. This whole "well, I have to be sensitive about X being X" is bullshit. I am going to decry the Christian propaganda machine to the Christians I know just as much as the pagans. I am going to rant about the national stupidity of any nation to whomever I damn well please. I don't really give a damn about the color of anyone's skin. I never have and I never will (with exceptions to creating art based on them, or my own sexual preferences for the pastiest pasty white skin).

If people really want to move beyond slavery and apartheid, stop fucking harping on it, stop jumping up and down about how you are X and fucking proud to be X and goddamn it you better recognize the X about you, and be yourself with people and allow them to be who they are. Nothing says "I want to abolish segregation" quite like "our cultural slang is a language to be taught in schools".

This is my response to the debate started here..

And, I have been pulled over for being "in the wrong neighborhood" on multiple occasions. And do *not* get me started about Police harassment.

if people really want to make a big difference, they would raise their kids to be color blind when it comes to skin and be more focused on the person behind the skin. It can be done. My mother did it. Unless someone has actually discussed the color of their skin with me or made a specific point about it in my presence, I have no idea what it is unless I am looking *at* them.

I can't even count the times people have asked me about the nationality or skin color of one of my friends (even just referring to them with a modifier of same) and it always takes me a minute of staring into space while I pull up their image and analyze it with that data in mind. *every time*. I see what color people are on the inside more often than the outside.

and, as a side note to the European Slave trade - they enslaved more than Africans, kids. It's a historical fact.

public post on this one. So ranty, I had to share with the whole fucking world.

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