staxxy | looking at the world through blood colored lenses

Current Mood: calm

Entry tags:

looking at the world through blood colored lenses - IMPORTANT

Specifically *my blood*... more specifically, My heart. A lot of you on my friends list are fairly new friends and so you do not remember when I had a heart attack 10 years ago and how everything in my life suddenly CHANGED.

So, they are sending me in for Stress Testing. And lately my heart has been more of an issue.

And the threat of the Defibrilator used on your while you are awake so they can slow your heart down is one hell of a motivator.

So this is me clearly stating my boundries again. Most everyone has already heard this, but A lot of things have really been crystalizing for me the last few weeks about my relationships with people.

I honestly do not have time for mind games or passive aggressive bullshit in my direction. If you want something from me, want me to treat you some certain way, do something for you, whatever - FUCKING ASK ME. Really, odds are that I will say yes, none of you has had any unrealisitic requests from me so far. If I say no, no amount of manipulation is going to change my mind. Altho, if you do use manipulation on me (or try) to get something, you are far less likely to get it than just asking. Manipulation irritates me at the best of times, and right now it's a real deal breaker, my heart is too fragile - literally.

If we are having any kind of tense, exuberant, energetic, or whatever conversation/argument/debate and I say "we have to stop for a little while" this is NON NEGOTIABLE, it means my heart is freaking out from the adreniline, and I need to let it rest for a little while. most of the time that just means a change of topic for 5 or 10 minutes. Then we can go back to where we were. IF YOU CAN NOT TAKE THE STOP NOW HINT I WILL HAVE TO STOP TALKING TO YOU PERIOD. There is no reason for ANYONE to be careless with my LIFE. Period.

that's really it. Not really pointing fingers or anything, honest. I just want to make sure it is very clear what the boundries are right now. Things are a little more scary for me right now than is normal - so I have to play things really close.

Really, I play these rules both ways. I am pretty blunt about asking, and I respect the "we need to change topics for a little while" reqests too.

Everyone needs solid boundries. These are mine.

and, OO LOOK IT'S A PUBLIC POST. BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS!!!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Understood. Good luck with this.

mostly just wanted it to be very public knowledge that my boundries are non negotiable. People peridically take it for granted that "it's ok for *ME* to do it" and really, it isn't. Usually the people that think they have the right to get away with shit with me are the ones that have the least rights to.

You, my dear, have never been anything but FABULOUS with me. :D

I really appreciate you lady. And I appreciate having you in my life. :)

Likewise, and I want to keep it that way!

me too!!

m'kay. no problem.

And just give me a nudge when you need to have anyone who doesn't understand this courtesy temporarily removed.

You have mooking privileges, to be used for good or for awesome. =)

I have a black belt in hippopotamus, and I'm not afraid to use it.

:D

you are the best Apostle I could ask for!!

Thanks Cuz. :D

You give me HEAP BIG SMILES!

*hugs*

So glad to have you back around again, even if it is only cybernetically...

Amusingly appropriate as that is. ;)

*screams* You cut your hair? OMIGOD! :)

he did that a while ago. It looks really good actually. :)

I've no doubt it does, but it took me by shock to see the icon. *smiles*

Just goes to show how long it's been since we've run into each other.

(deleted comment)

*giggle*

this is completely understandable.
most important thing is you taking care of you.
we're here to help in any way we can.
i love you, feel better.
just wish i was closer to nurse-maid when needed.
*smooch*

not really in need of a nurse-maid. my roommie is doing lots of just plain maid type things for me though. :)

thanks.
I love you too.

Restating your boundries is good. And while Apostle is MUCH more handy for that sort of thing, if you need someone jabbed with a hatpin to make them behave, just let me know.

*hug*

Now I *know* I am the coolest kid on my block, if *you* have volunteered for my BRUTE SQUAD. :D

*SCORE*

Thanks lady!! I will bare that in mind.. sometimes a more subtle hatpin works best. ;)

*hugs*.

Not really pointing fingers or anything, honest.

So what are you pointing at me?

Ahhhh!! You can put an EYE out with those!
:p

*blush* but I can't help pointing *those*....

they do not stand down well... *sigh*

Yeah, I tried the same excuse with Mr Happy in college. It didn't work. :p

Damn double standard. :(

did you look in the hat?

Yeah.

It made me cry.
:(

mints make you cry?

I'm, like, all sensitive, and stuff.
*Hand-staple-forehead*
*Swoon*

I just wanted to thank you again for loaning me the hat. It really did make *all* the difference in the world for that shoot.

The whole "no means no" concept really shouldn't be that hard, but alas that is not so. Good that you restated your boundaries for all to be perfectly clear. I am glad you are taking care of yourself.

I am trying to take care of myself. Sometimes it is harder than others. You take care of yourself too sweetie.

*hugs*

Thank you. Good to know.

somehow, I suspect that you would be willing to listen if I said I needed to take a break and discuss something else for a few minutes, *anyway*.

But I am glad you do know *now* as well. I knew there were people that I had missed. I am glad you are no longer among them. :)

You need to have someone reminded to not stress you out, just let me know. ;) Ent nobady gonna mess wid m' grrlfrind.

WOO HOO!!!!

You're so *butch*!!

*beam*

And more good healing vibes your way.

Oh yeah, and on the goon squad thing, I have been looking for ways to practice all the good stuff I have learned as a soldier, looks like you might have a whole squad of goons to help rockheads learn.

cool. so far all goons no rockheads.

go me.

My brute squad can take *anyone*

SCORE!!!

I'm 100% in agreement with your boundaries and insisting people respect them, and anyone who is trying to play games with you especially right now is proving they are not your friend and should be cut loose. You are uniquely aware of how precious every day is and we should not waste them with petty squabbles with small-minded selfish people. I am very worried for you, sending warm wishes your way. Please continue to think of me as a friend who will support you and know you can ask me for help and I will do everything I can. John sends his love.

I send my love back to both of you. And I will and do think of you as that friend. It is a two way street sweetie. :)

I hope things get better. I understand my babble isn't that interesting to read so please post public updates once in a while. I may not have responded to your posts often but I am often sending good health karma your way and thinking hopeful thoughts for you.

Thanks. I appreciate that and I will post updates when I have them.

Mostly I trimmed things down because the list was WAY out of hand (it still is in a lot of ways), so I cut out the people I really do not see at *all* and do not anticipate seeing any time soon. It wasn't really a personal thing at all. When things get more mellow in my life I may add you back, *again*... since it seems to be like that for me. :D

I just came upon your LJ this morning and was hooked from the start. I have a friend that had a heart attack about 5 years ago. I totally understand the necessity of having to say "STOP"! It's amazing how many ppl don't understand how critical this can be. I wish you the best of luck in getting this through some ppls heads. And I'd love to stick around and check out your journal more.

Take care of you!

doing the best I can. thanks! :)

well noted. Blessings to you that this all improves ....
Hugs ...

*shrug* It is just the way things are. At the time I first made this post I wanted to make sure that everyone was clear on the concept. When my stress levels go into the red I am pretty quick to make that clear, so people know to be a little more gentle with me. And I just like for everyone to know where my boundaries are, and what is and is not okay behavior.

really, most people are never a problem with this. I think part of that is because everyone *knows* this boundary, so they know they are never in any real danger of crossing it and can relax. :)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

looking at the world through blood colored lenses - IMPORTANT

no subject

thanks. :)

Re: thanks. :)

Re: thanks. :)

no subject

GO GO GADGET-APOSTLE!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

Re: I have a black belt in hippopotamus, and I'm not afraid to use it.

no subject

no subject

no subject

WOO HOO!!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ah

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Another volunteer...

Re: Another volunteer...

Roger that sweety.

Re: Roger that sweety.

Hey there

Re: Hey there

no subject

:)

New follower...but totally understand

Re: New follower...but totally understand

makes sense ...

Re: makes sense ...