My version of that is hearing, often, "you have such a lovely face." Which means absolutely nothing to me, because I know very well what I look like. Eh. My own mother disapproved of my big ears, the non-ballet (short) length of my neck, my posture and my chin. So, whatever. When I hear "you have a great FACE," it only sounds as if it means "too bad about your weight." I can handle people saying things about my eyes, because I've heard that all my life and it's probably true... but again, sometimes it hits me as "too bad about your body, but hey, you have some eyes!"
I do find well-balanced, proportional, feminine, healthily VERY voluptuous women attractive. However, I cannot honestly jump on the "all fat is great in every way" platform. Yes, fuller women are lovable. Yes, zaftig, fuller bodies may work great for many people. But a combination of what I've read in medical news, and all the complaints of discomfort, fatigue, and illness that I've heard from heavier women including my own experience, leads me to a conclusion that's not going to be popular here. I don't think that extra weight is a good idea in itself. Personally, it is a big medical risk for me, because I can't afford the extra estrogen, so I have to reduce - even though my guy, my bashert, my Itzik, actually prefers a zaftig look and wishes I would not reduce. But I'm under doctor's orders to aim for a lower weight to prevent a recurrence of cancer. It's cold, brutal, medical truth. I need to be slimmer.
So here's the deal. I'm for acceptance. I understand that there are many factors, and people are different, and we end up being different weights and builds. Some of us have quite a range over our lifetimes. But life is too short to give anyone a hard time about LOOKS. Life is beautiful. Women are beautiful. And that human meat industry can back off with its destructive sales tactics. You know that's all about making us uneasy so we'll keep buying more destructive and unnecessary things. I distrust those who prefer all women to look as if they need to fuck for their supper. I despise the politics behind the Waif Look. And yet, I, personally, prefer feeling space between my thighs because it means they don't chafe. I prefer less strain on my joints.
I'm currently losing weight. I feel pretty good about it, for many good scientific reasons and some not-so-good, weak, narcissistic reasons. I won't lie and say it's ALL about survival, but most of it is really about survival. Cutting through all of this, we have to come back to acceptance. And listen, everyone: anyone who "likes" me better at 30 lbs less (what I've lost since last year) or 50 lbs less (my goal) can fuck off. I am the same person. I am the same person. Understanding and acceptance are love, to me. Anything less from a friend or a lover is not worth my time. Adoration is fine. I want it. But "approval" is cheap, fluffy, meaningless, useless, and false.
I wasn't "bad" for comforting myself with calories, or for being too fatigued or busy to maintain a thinner body. I'm not "good" for forcing myself to change my body. Like everyone else, I'm just holding on to my life force. Sometimes that has meant weighing more. Currently that means aiming at weighing less. The main thing... THE MAIN THING, is that being fully alive is what's "HOT." And criticizing a woman's being is NOT hot. Anyone who tells me to lose weight to look "hot" for him is automatically weak and undesirable to me.
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momijizukamori
my own jumble of honest contradictions on the topic
Date: 2006-09-07 06:39 am (UTC)I do find well-balanced, proportional, feminine, healthily VERY voluptuous women attractive. However, I cannot honestly jump on the "all fat is great in every way" platform. Yes, fuller women are lovable. Yes, zaftig, fuller bodies may work great for many people. But a combination of what I've read in medical news, and all the complaints of discomfort, fatigue, and illness that I've heard from heavier women including my own experience, leads me to a conclusion that's not going to be popular here. I don't think that extra weight is a good idea in itself. Personally, it is a big medical risk for me, because I can't afford the extra estrogen, so I have to reduce - even though my guy, my bashert, my Itzik, actually prefers a zaftig look and wishes I would not reduce. But I'm under doctor's orders to aim for a lower weight to prevent a recurrence of cancer. It's cold, brutal, medical truth. I need to be slimmer.
So here's the deal. I'm for acceptance. I understand that there are many factors, and people are different, and we end up being different weights and builds. Some of us have quite a range over our lifetimes. But life is too short to give anyone a hard time about LOOKS. Life is beautiful. Women are beautiful. And that human meat industry can back off with its destructive sales tactics. You know that's all about making us uneasy so we'll keep buying more destructive and unnecessary things. I distrust those who prefer all women to look as if they need to fuck for their supper. I despise the politics behind the Waif Look. And yet, I, personally, prefer feeling space between my thighs because it means they don't chafe. I prefer less strain on my joints.
I'm currently losing weight. I feel pretty good about it, for many good scientific reasons and some not-so-good, weak, narcissistic reasons. I won't lie and say it's ALL about survival, but most of it is really about survival. Cutting through all of this, we have to come back to acceptance. And listen, everyone: anyone who "likes" me better at 30 lbs less (what I've lost since last year) or 50 lbs less (my goal) can fuck off. I am the same person. I am the same person. Understanding and acceptance are love, to me. Anything less from a friend or a lover is not worth my time. Adoration is fine. I want it. But "approval" is cheap, fluffy, meaningless, useless, and false.
I wasn't "bad" for comforting myself with calories, or for being too fatigued or busy to maintain a thinner body. I'm not "good" for forcing myself to change my body. Like everyone else, I'm just holding on to my life force. Sometimes that has meant weighing more. Currently that means aiming at weighing less. The main thing... THE MAIN THING, is that being fully alive is what's "HOT." And criticizing a woman's being is NOT hot. Anyone who tells me to lose weight to look "hot" for him is automatically weak and undesirable to me.