quick pause for a reality check

[staxxy]

#1 not everybody mourns publicly - what does this mean? It means that *they* are not likely to be at any memorials or wakes. This does *not* mean that anyone should press them about it. This does *not* mean that it is an open invitation for giving someone the 3rd degree. Chill the fuck out people.

#2 some people *do* mourn publicly - what does this mean? It means that being with friends and loved ones helps them get through the closure process. It does not mean they are "deathfuckers" or any charming epithets like that. It means that this is how they mourn. Once again, chill the fuck out people.

#3 a lot of people are extra sensitive emotionally today - Jessica's death aside, there are a remarkable amount of stresses on each of us and it is really just compounded by our emotions regarding Jessica. *PLEASE* try very hard to not read between the lines on anything anyone says today. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT IMPLY SHIT AT PEOPLE SO THEY HAVE TO. :D Thanks.

#4 I may or may not cry. I don't like to cry in public. It is a psychological stigma that I retain from my childhood. get over it.

#5 Try to remember that everyone is upset, and try to be a little sensitive with the language you choose. (ooo I am being all hypocritical here and I admit it. This post is a little abrupt, but I needed to say this fast and clean. Sorry if anyone is upset at all, it is not my intention to upset people just to bring a little bit of a reality check to things.

I am off now.

Comments

[shivacat.livejournal.com]

hugs staxxy.
my love is with you on this day.

People are missing the point

[chessdev.livejournal.com]

Please forgive me in that I didn't know Jessica,
however I DO know this:

Memorials are **not** times for recriminations...they are **not** times for judgements... they are times for saying goodbye and honoring the memory of someone.

If someone is implying things at a memorial -- then they are too caught up in their own shit to understand why they're even there!

If you want to cry in public -- you go right ahead.
If you need to walk outside and get some air --- you go right ahead.

There is no "right" or "wrong" way with dealing with grief -- so long as dealing with that grief doesn't hurt other people; If you can't stop yourself from saying something hurtful -- then leave!


Again, I didn't know your friend --- but I have been to enough funerals in my life to know that people COME TOGETHER, not turn on each other in those times.

Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

Re: People are missing the point

[umbrikatus.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[thogs-travels.livejournal.com]

Good points all.

I'm not going to make the Wake tonight. Please raise a glass for me to Jessica.

[(Anonymous)]

Reading posts like yours reminds me of how awestruck I am by your community of Goths and scientists and LJers and tech aficionados and dancers and music lovers. Upon first glance one might be put off by the apparent dysfunction and melodrama, but upon further reflection one begins to see the beauty in a community of people who feel empowered to express what they think and feel and who have enough faith in one another and in themselves to weather through the sparring that naturally flows from such free expression. I see strength in your community, which is especially heartening in a society that is rabid with self censorship, where the fear of offending someone or saying something divisive or partisan or true has resulted in the trivialization of most communication, and where any sense of community is almost nonexistent for many. The fact that you've held true to the free exchange of ideas, opinions, rants, and raves in the midst of abject tragedy speaks to your strength. The fact that you came together at a time of immense need and unburdened a grieving mother of some very painful tasks speaks to your strength. Feelings of utter emptiness and a void that cannot be filled will follow after Jessica's memorial service and wake. I hope that the community you've formed will continue to endure in honor of Jessica, who brought many of you together.

One more observation: your community seems somewhat matriarchal and I can't help but giggle at your ability to perplex the male species.

[girlshawn.livejournal.com]

You have been such a pillar through all of this, I've learned tramendous amounts from this.

I started to share with my friends the pain of this community and started to cry over it. I never knew Jessica and thank you for letting me in.

I didn't feel bad for crying because of a post you did recently.

Thank you Stax for sharing your strength, pain and beliefs.

Re: People are missing the point

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

:) thanks.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

many glasses were raised... and I showed a few people that Jillian not only *has* legs, but she has nice ones at that. ;) So... skirts were also raised. ;)

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

the thing that makes you stronger is sharing...

this is what I do.

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

I thought you did a graceful job, reading at the memorial service today. Thank you.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

heh, thanks. Not *reading* really... more Babbling... but thanks.

[sonder.livejournal.com]

Matriarchal?

BAH!

We men are just too busy standing around looking mean so the girls can have a safe place to dance and play.

*mutters.*

Matriarchal.





Okay you may have a point.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I hope that the new alliances and friendships that have formed because of Jessica will endure in their own honor, actually. It would be far more honest. ;)

It only seems matriarchal, and they only seem perplexed.