I call BULLSHIT right FUCKING NOW -

[staxxy]

EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO GREIVE.

EVERY-FUCKING-ONE.

No one has the right to say "well, you did not know her as long as I did so you have no right to be upset you poser (poseur) ". If you feel you have the right to do this about Jessica you are A FUCKING MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HER. This was he BIGGEST PET PEEVE from when Victor died. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ATTENTION WHORING LITTLE SHIT. SUCK IT UP AND FUCKING DEAL WITH FACT THAT HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE LOVED HER TOO. If you really can not deal with the fact that she was unanimously respected (even by those she did not get along with) and admired in our community and the SEVERAL OTHERS she has been part of over the years, lock yourself in your fucking apartment and keep it to yourself then. Keep your bullshit off of her. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS LEVEL OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS HER FROM *ANYONE*. She had very strong and definite views on this subject and she carried the damn soapbox in her pocket.

I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU ARE MOURNING HER LOSS AS SOMEONE WHO ONLY RESPECTED HER WORK AND HER GENIOUS, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL, OR IF YOU ARE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS FROM NOW (to whom I can HONESTLY say this does not IN ANY WAY APPLY BECAUSE WE *DO* ALREADY KNOW BETTER) - IF YOU PULL THIS SHIT ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR IF SOMEONE POINTS IT OUT TO ME I WILL BE RIPPING YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND I AM BETTER AT THAT THAN *SHE* WAS (which, if you knew her even half as well as you are trying to convey you did, should tell you something), AND THAT IS *IF* ONE OF HER OTHER BEST FRIENDS DOES NOT BEAT ME TO THE FUCKING PUNCH.

We are not going to play this hierarchal "who has any rights to be here* bullshit. There will be a public memorial and a public wake, TO WHICH EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO BE THERE (TO GRIEVE OR MOURN OR SHOW RESPECT OR SHOW SUPPORT TO HER MOM) IS WELCOME. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH *THAT* YOU CAN TAKE IT UP WITH ME.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

That said, on a slightly different note:

NOT ONLY DOES EVERYONE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GRIEVE, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO SO IN THEIR OWN FUCKING WAY.
IF SOMEONE DOES NOT FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT TO YOU, LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT IT.

Everybody deals with death in their own time and in their own way. Just because someone does not want to discuss her with you it does not mean you should take it as a personal slight from them or believe that they are being an asshole. If you need an analogy for this think of it this way - your grief is as private as your sexual preferences, it is mostly okay for people to ask if you like one gender or the other but it is not really okay to ask someone you don't really know well what their specific kinks are or to be all pissy if they call TMI if you want to tell them ALL ABOUT YOURS.

Bare in mind that Jessica was a busy girl, she cared about a lot of people, she lived a lot in her life and she went out of her way for people all the time. A lot of people cared about her, it is *NORMAL* for people to have MUCH shorter fuses when they are hurting from grief. Try to remember that, take things that offend you with a little grain of salt, give people a little benefit of the doubt. give people a little room for a while. I know we will all be a lot happier for it.

Feel free to link/paste this text in your LJ. If you do put it in your LJ, please be sure to provide a link back to me so I can put the kybosh on those who need it. thanks!

There will be more posts on details of services in the next few days. My plate is a little full at the *moment*. keep watching *here* for more.

Comments

[theda.livejournal.com]

Honey, I am so sorry that you are being put into a situation that requires you to stomp down this sort of thing while still trying to deal with the loss of a dear friend. Just remember that there are shitloads, (and by shitloads I mean metric fucktons) of people who will never do this sort of thing and it's only a selfish few that would.

My heart is with you, and the moment I see you, I will be hugging you till you squeek for mercy.


All my love sweetness.

Jen

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

so far there has only been one incident that I know of at all. I was hoping to be able to get this out *before* there was a specific incident. I really wanted to let people who were nervous about not having been too close to her know that their grief is also welcome and okay. The way things happened the last time our community had a loss it really burned a lot of people. I am still angry about that.

I am also angry about people remembering only the shiney happy side of that individual since it wasn't his *only* side. but that is a different issue that I will address later.

[dreina.livejournal.com]

I didn't know her, I saw her quite a few times. Logan spoke to her on quite a few occasions. I am still sad, and im glad you posted this because now I don't feel bad about being sad about her death. love to you.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

love to you as well.

it is my personal opinion that the whole damn world should be sad. We lost a truly brilliant scientist, and she was working on stuff that would save millions of lives. I am hoping we can get it together enough to pass it on so it can be continued.

[rocza.livejournal.com]

AND THAT IS *IF* ONE OF HER OTHER BEST FRIENDS DOES NOT BEAT ME TO THE FUCKING PUNCH.
*cheerful* I'm having a really bad week, so it really would be a race, and I suspect I'm not the only.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I know that you aren't. ;)

[vorona.livejournal.com]

Very well put. I may link to this, and just call it "what she said."

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I saw the link. thanks for that. :)

Re: I'm only halfway through your post

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

if I have an evening free this week to have a few hours with you, I will let you know.

your chocolate chip cookies would really be fantastic. :)

[deadrose.livejournal.com]

Well said!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

thanks. :) I just wanted to make sure it was *clearly* said, and strongly said as well.

[erotocism.livejournal.com]

You have just completely soothed my anger towards those whom were saying things such as you mentioned above. Thank you for posting this. I will paste this in my LJ asap.
Best wishes love.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I just really can not stand the thought that the hurt feelings that are *still* around from what happened with Victors death will EVER exist around Jessica's. The only anger felt here should be directed where it is deserved (like the FCBW I have been on about the last day or so). And not at each other. I think that if we all pull together we will be a stronger community than we have been in the past. I think it is about damn time for it.

[flamie1000.livejournal.com]

I absolutely adore you, staxx. Well done.

*hugs*

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I have always adored you. Good lord lady, I have missed you So fucking much.

Welcome back.

[dizzy88.livejournal.com]

well said my dear......

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

thanks. People do not seem to realize that the closer you are to someone, the longer it takes to even get to the "I need to talk about it" point.

Speaking of which. are you ready to talk about Scott yet?

[dizzy88.livejournal.com]

when ever you are......

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

we should do this.

[kitsunebeast.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry it was necessary to post this, and I thank you for doing so.

You mentioned on the seagoth board that questions could be directed here, so I hope you'll pardon the intrusion. My question is this: Is there a way/proper channel to send food/support to her family? It must be awful on them, dealing with this.

Thanks for all you are doing, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

#1 - you aren't intruding. Anyone that cares enough to want to help at all or to show support and respect can't really intrude. That is the whole point of this post. ;)

#2 Her immediate family is doing okay actually. If you would like, I can add you to my friends list and then you can see the requests I put up for assistance when it is needed. I am keeping an eye and ear out for any of the people closest to her needing any kind of help. So that they get everything they need. I am doing okay as I have people looking after me and am pretty good about piping up myself. I am calling and making sure one of the other gals that has trouble remembering to eat does so (which, in turn, helps me to remember too).

#3 I am sorry that this had to be posted too. But it had to be posted because of things that happened around Victors death that never should have, and not really about anything that is a major issue currently. I just want to *prevent* that from happening and am exercising my ability to do so.

thanks for piping up. I do appreciate it. If you want to be added in, just let me know here or add me to your friends list and I will add you back within 6 hours. I am being pretty vigilant about that.

[dethtonge.livejournal.com]

Amen.

I only met Jessica twice, during a visit to Seattle in April. I feared that fact might be thrown in my face by someone (there's always one, isn't there?). I'm glad to know that posture wouldn't survive long.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

absolutely.

[dangerous-beans.livejournal.com]

I met her briefly, once, last year. Hadn't met you, but you're on pretty much every one of my Seattle People's Friends Lists so I periodically try to read your LJ. (Hi, I'm Deb.)

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I'm VERY glad that you're a friend of my friends.

'Scuse the bumbling idiocy. I hope you'll read what I mean and not what I say.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I have actually heard your name a great deal from some of our mutual friends. and I gotcha. Thank you for the sympathy, support, and compliment.

We were all very lucky to have her in our lives, even if it was as briefly as meeting her once. :) She was *brilliant*. I can't remember how much of her LJ was public over the years, but you might be amused by going back and reading it.

Nice job, bad circumstances.

[sg-boobookittie.livejournal.com]

Hey, popped in because I saw Ivy's post. What a difficult time for you and many others, as well as having to give the smackdown. I did not know here in person but knew who she was. I am sorry for your loss and everyone else whose life she touched. She sounds like a wonderful spirit and I know she will remain in everyone's hearts. Take care of you. And again, very well said. Kudos! *hug*

Re: Nice job, bad circumstances.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

thanks. :)