a vignette, as explanation

[staxxy]

for those of you who do not truly comprehend what "fibro fog" means, as "the dumb", I give you a piece of my morning:

7am take off my pajamas and put on undies, pants, and a bra. Look for my short sleeved black sweater by staring at a pile of clothes for about 10 minutes and realizing I will need to move and touch things since most everything is black and I can not identify the sweater like this. Shuffle things around for a while, but don't find it.

7:10am Ein meows at me in the "Mommy, it's breakfast time!!" whine. So I go feed the cats. It occurs to me that a cup of coffee would be tasty.

7:15am I go and sit down at the computer and stare at my inbox. It occurs to me that I am cold and should put on a shirt or something. I stare at my inbox some more (while I scroll up and down, I don't actually *open* anything. Just stare at it). It occurs to me that I have the dumb and should call Sr. and Jr. bosses to let them know I have the dumb (they have told me not to come in like this, which is good, so I don't fuck anything up).

7:20am Ein maos for attention, and starts tossing bottles of pills on the floor. Luckily they have lids on securely. I watch this for a few minutes. Then he rattles the top of the jingly stick toy. So I pull out the bamboo toy that is close to me and play with him for a few minutes. It occurs to me that I am cold and should put something on. It occurs to me that a cup of coffee would be tasty.

7:25am TV is making a lot of noise, so I look at it. No idea what I was watching. Cartoon Network.

7:30am it occurs to me that I am cold and should put something on. It occurs to me that coffee would be tasty. I go into the kitchen and turn on the electric tea kettle. (again, thank you for the intro to the idea, Mike). I realize I am hungry and would like a bagel. In the 3 minutes it takes the kettle to heat, I vacillate back and forth between blueberry or plain bagel and decide to go for blueberry. I slice the bagel and put it in the toaster.

7:35am I mix up my cup of coffee. Hurrah for instant coffee from Japan that is actually tasty. Something smells really tasty and it occurs to me that a bagel would be good. I notice that I have a toasted one waiting for me in the toaster. YAY. I put butter on it and go sit down.

7:45am it occurs to me that I am cold and should put something on. I sip my coffee. It *is* tasty. mmmm coffee. I stare at my inbox. And take a bite of my bagel.

7:50am it occurs to me that I am cold and should put something on. I sip some more of my coffee and look at the pile of clothing.

7:55am it occurs to me that I am cold and should put something on. It occurs to me that the red thing my eyes are resting on is a polar fleece sweatshirt and it would be warm, so I go grab it and put it on.

8:00 it occurs to me that it took me an *hour* to put on a shirt because I was cold, and it would be a good way to explain how fibro fog affects me to all of you, so I sit down to write this all out.

and now you know what I mean by The Dumb. I mean *dumb*.

Comments

[foomf.livejournal.com]

That sounds painfully familiar to how things are if I haven't been able to get enough sleep and I've forgotten to take the lovely provigil. It lasts about an hour and a half, and I *know* I cannot safely drive in that state.

My dumb is less perceptual, though, and more like "brain is running on fumes." I had the short-term-memory dumb when I was on Ritalin though. Went off the stuff when Penny asked me for a glass of water, I got up, went into the kitchen, made myself a sandwich, and came back without the glass of water.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yeah, there are lots of things that cause this particular symptom, unfortunately. It is made of poop.

The worst part of it being a fibro thing is that there is *nothing* I can do to make it better. I just have to wait for it to go away.

[theblackdeer.livejournal.com]

I've been dying to talk to someone taking provigil - how does it work for you?

[foomf.livejournal.com]

It works OK for me, not as dramatic as the ritalin was, but also not anywhere nearly as catastrophic in terms of crazy side effects. It's a subtle drug. It doesn't keep me from sleeping if I want to, but it does help keep me from feeling like I'm sleep deprived.

My primary narcoleptic issues are with the excessive daytime fatigue, and the accompanying lack of any perceptible urge to go to sleep at night (until I black out suddenly). The EDF is made worse by repetitive, tedious things like highway driving, repetitive editing of files, and of course, blood sugar swings.

I am normally lucky if I get six consecutive hours of sleep, and optimally I should be getting 7 and a half.

Provigil makes it possible for me to wake up in the morning. It takes about a half hour to 45 minutes to take effect, during which time I could easily go back to sleep for the duration (and still use an alarm to wake me) or stagger around the kitchen with a version of Teh Dumb, feed cats, and possibly injure myself fixing my food.

It does not make me jittery, the way that ritalin did and does. It does not make me as alert as I want, so I also use caffeine and the occasional sugar-free energy drink. I try to time the energy drink to times when I have higher blood sugars because of the weird diabetic thing - the energy drinks stimulate the burning of the sugars to some degree. Some of them also seem to help with the neurotransmitter levels, as my mild Parkinsons-like symptoms, and the occasional sleep paralysis attacks are much less frequent.

(Incidentally, I just now had a blood sugar spike and blacked out for 15 minutes; this morning I had only 3.5 hours of sleep, and for me, a 15 minute nap is adequate to get me functioning for a good hour or two. This usually happens about six or seven hours after taking the primary dose, for me, and coincides with one of the usual circadian 'downs' - 10:30am, 2:30pm, 4:30pm - this one hit at 8:30pm. I usually take a second half-dose of Provigil if I need to be alert for another six hours.)

[batboymaxx.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. That sounds an awful lot like what happens when my hypothyroidism acts up. A lot. :( My thoughts are with you.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

this is where it is great to have Ein (The Boo Cat did this before we got Ein, but now he is mostly retired), to look after me and keep me somewhat on track. He is a great helper kitty. :)

I think it is lame that any of us has this symptom, for whatever reason. It blows.

[victorianrose23.livejournal.com]

Yup. Yup. Yup. Oh how I understand - so very very much. I've tried working from home a couple of times that's happened and it's made a HUGE difference in my productivity. I wish I could get the ok to just work from home part time.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

that would be LOVELY. *sigh*

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

Not happy.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}


By the way - did you ever call the bosses? Sorry, just had to ask...

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I did call them. :) and perfectly reasonable, under the circumstances, to ask.

also. before I forget... I will need the ride tomorrow. what time will you be here?

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

I will endeavor to be there by 6:00pm if that works for you.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

that works great!

[briara.livejournal.com]

eiee, so familiar. :hugs: i'm very glad you share, though, because then i feel not alone in my experience of the dumb, yay.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

part of the reason I shared was for those who can really relate, but mostly so those who *can't* relate can understand what we are going through. :D

Holy world-shrinking, Batman!

[wendolen.livejournal.com]

Well, it's been a few months since I had one of these moments. ;)

Stax: This post really reminds me of what it was like to have pneumonia, if you add painful, unproductive coughing to the mix. Would it be possible to unlock this post? I'm going to bookmark it; I suspect I may want to email this link to my doctor one day.

Re: Holy world-shrinking, Batman!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yeah, I can do that.

Re: Holy world-shrinking, Batman!

[wendolen.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3

Re: Holy world-shrinking, Batman!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

no prob

[my-poison-apple.livejournal.com]

Aww, honey... :( I'm sorry. That is completely full of suck. Much love to you!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

*squish* ps. I need your email address. It is not in my address book for some reason. :(

email me? staxxy@gmail.com

[keonei.livejournal.com]

I have to say, "Thank you" I am having a craptacular day but reading this actually made me smile :)
I'm sorry you are having the dumb, but...thank you :D

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

The good news is that I find having the dumb to be really full of comedy.

I think it's funny too. :D

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I can sympathize, as I get a milder form of having the dumb with PMS, or if I've slept really poorly.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yeah, it's like "oo shiney" times a thousand.

[desolina.livejournal.com]

fibro fog sounds pretty similar to attention deficit fog.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

it really can be, actually.

[desolina.livejournal.com]

I figured as much, your description sounds like one of my fog days, except i don't have physical pain to go along with.

[dragons-dreams.livejournal.com]

Wow, you described that many times better than I could have. It took me four hours to take my morning pills yesterday, even with John calling from work twice, because I forgot to get a drink.

It is most definitely terrible to have moments like these.

[corbaegirl.livejournal.com]

I have done so much better since we got a water cooler upstairs. If I have to go downstairs to get a drink, I forget what I went down to get. It still takes me a while, but at least it's just steps away.

The worst part is forgetting to re-order my drugs. I had two REALLY bad days this week, because I forgot to reorder in time.

[benevolentia.livejournal.com]

:( That does not sound like a good time.

*blows a little harder at the fibro fog*

[serasempre.livejournal.com]

This was my whole day...but I didn't figure it out until I read your post. Sheesh.

[corbaegirl.livejournal.com]

Spot on...can I send this to a few folks?

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yeah., I made it public so you can feel free to link to it if you want to. :)

[rev-blacky.livejournal.com]

And, the best part is that your wonder-mous explanation of The Dumb reads like an Infocom game!
Huzzah!

[rev-blacky.livejournal.com]

My version of The Dumb is similar to yours, though related to the neuro-migraines, I assume...
Sucks that the meds they tried me on fuckered me up so bad...
The worst bit is that I sometimes have difficulties keeping two similar concepts in my brain at the same time, like, for example, I would have a problem remember the names of Salma Hayek and Catherine Zeta Jones at the same time...
Sure, I could visualise them, but either one name or the other would fall out my ear and hide under the couch...
Then there are the wander into the kitchen for a specific reason and once I get there look around the kitchen confused, wondering what it was I came in there for.....
Meh.
But, you know me, I don't post about, talk about, or share the majority of my physical probs with people because I don't want them to worry, or think I am whining...
Even the amount of whining that I do post has cost me a few folks from my friend list...
Such is life...

[evaria.livejournal.com]

yep. It is the suck. Although apparently I'm pretty amusing to people around me when I have the dumb.

you call it the dumb, what happens to me is all lizard brain.

[khatovar.livejournal.com]

lizard brain is the simple part of me,
eat, pee, scream from night terriors, wake
up because "that sound" was totaly out of place.

Re: you call it the dumb, what happens to me is all lizard brain.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

meep!

[theblackdeer.livejournal.com]

Craig couldn't understand fibro fog. He had a real problem with it. He said it's like I'm not there or something...I was like, no shit, sherlock, you think I like this or do it on purpose?

[alessar.livejournal.com]

I actually have had this sort of experience when at the absolute worst of my sleep deprivation problems. Fortunately, only a few times compared to you. But, I can truly say: I know how you feel. :(

[randomposting.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday! :)

[ashbet]

I read this out loud to Josh and Kira, and she and I were both like, "YES, THIS!!!!"

There are better ways to do mother-daughter bonding, I swear . . .

-- A <3

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

<3