bringing the discussion here

[staxxy]

"if you lost all that extra weight you would be totally hot"

to whom exactly? And *why* on earth do I want to be attractive to them?

Personally, anyone who is going to be that crass (not to be confused with Krass, who rocks) can kiss my ass. The last thing I want is any reason for them to try and suck oxygen from my personal space.

I am pleased to see jucier women showing up on television. But the movies are so few and far between that it is pretty easy to name them all.

And that's bullshit and needs to stop.

Especially if my experiences are any indication - lots of people think plumper women are HOT HOT HOT.

Let's storm the castle and beat some sense into hollywood. Who's with me?

Comments

[goddesslena.livejournal.com]

As long as we are advocates of people being HEALTHY, regardless of size, then I am with you!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

that's a lot of my inspiration really. the yoyo dieting that is the result of the "you are too fat" mindset, no to mention all of the eating disorders, are long over due for an end.

People should be healthier, but that doesn't always mean they should be *thin*.

and Hollywood is particularly nasty about anything over stick thin.

[intrepid-reason.livejournal.com]

I am so there with you! It's not that I care what weight or size I am, but I want to get healthier. I've fallen off that track over the past 5 years or so, starting with buying a car...

I've been told a number of times, "you're beatiful, but you'd be totally hot if you dropped like 80lbs." Sigh...

[kaosqueen.livejournal.com]

if you lost all that extra weight you would be totally hot"

yep heard that one many times!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

have you heard it from anyone you would want to think you are attractive?

and, for the record, even before I met you, all I have ever heard about *you* is how mind meltingly hot you are.

and, naturally, all of those opinions concurr with mine. ;)

[mahariel.livejournal.com]

Whereas the evil boyfriend from whom my husband rescued me always harped on how I needed to gain weight to be attractive.

Why should we conform to someone else's standards of beauty. Be comfortable in your own skin, and you'll find people who find you attractive for who you are, not for some fantasy image they have in their brain of what the perfect person should be.

I personally find a rubanesque woman to be much more attractive than an anorexic stick insect.

-Victoria

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

which is the flip side of the coin, exactly.

I am all for people being healthy and happy and sexy, just the way they *are*. And Hollywood needs to embrace that ideal.

Fashion shoots ought to as well, but usually the runway models are also the photo models. And runway models are specifically meant to actually be built like hangars. So I doubt that will ever change.

[spitkitten.livejournal.com]

You know I am with you.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I do. :)

[icprncs.livejournal.com]

"if you lost all that extra weight you would be totally hot"

Yes, I'm sure that's why my husband continues to drool over me and moan enthusiastically about my figure. Because I'm not hot.

It's not the lack of finding people my size hot that bugs me. It's the lack of good sense and basic social skills in expecting other people to conform to their tastes.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yes indeedy. I gained 20 lbs while I was laid up and could not walk - I feel heavier, and like I am really lugging the weight around; Spydrman thinks I am even hotter than I was before I fell. Heh.

The irony is that it is often people who think they have such good manners that say these sort of things.

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

You go girl! :)

Yeah, I've never understood the point behind "If you weren't, y'know, *you*, I'd be totally into you..."

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

heh, exactly.

"you know, I would be totally into you if you just toned it down a little" (actually got that one a couple of times) responded to with "BWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA"

[savannarama.livejournal.com]

I think statements like that are 1) cheap sadistic thrills 2) a quick & valuable clue as to someone's values & social skills 3) often a subconscious test to see if the woman's self esteem is low enough to permit further boundary-fuckery.

Have you watched Carnivale? Beautiful depression-era sets, cool costumes, great actors, nice creepy story. Cancelled after 2 seasons (the story moved a frustratingly slow for American audiences, apparently) but still utterly worth watching via Netflix. There is a dancer character on there, full-figured in her late 30's or early 40's, who is hot and an inarguable sex symbol and totally meant that way. She was awesome.

I know there isn't a slew of such characters, but every single one helps and I'm happy every time I see it.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I want to see Carnivale soooo bad.

and yup, exactly.

This sort of behavior (even just similar) makes me want to punch people in the nose. One quick, but incredibly firm, jab.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I had that exact statement said to me.

By someone I was dating.

(And I know you know who said it.)

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

and his ass is still mine first, should he he ever set foot on Seattle soil again... or, you know, be within arms reach anywhere I happen to go.

[girltard.livejournal.com]

I'm with ya! As long as we make it the other way as well. I'm sick of being told how hot I could be if I ate. Heh...Like I need to eat even more than I already do!

Yeah, people with that kind of attitude tend not to be people worth the interest.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

exactly

[saffyre-dragon.livejournal.com]

Last year when I started getting out and meeting people I pretty much only wore baggy clothing because I figured no one wants to see *my* body. Even when I was young and skinny I didn't think I was attractive. Now I'm wearing tight outfits that emphasize my curves while (hopefully) de-emphasizing the portions I personally don't like so much...and who cares what other people think! *I* enjoy my body now and that's far more important to me. The fact that others might enjoy it as well is just an added bonus.

So much of attraction for me is all about the personality, though. People who fit in to our society's ideal of attraction can have horrible or wonderful personalities. No matter their appearance, though, the former becomes ugly to me.

So I'm with you! I've always wanted to storm a castle anyway...

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

*giggle*... We can even bring our own war, right to their doorstep. ;)

[sarmonster.livejournal.com]

I think they have enough rope to hang themselves. Its a global market and they don't have the corner on beauty anymore. Heck, even the Yahoo Avatars dolls has "Plus sizes" now, though I think "not starving" is more appropriate. Noting, or course, they didn't have them to start with.
It'll likely be a slow transition, unless they realize thats WHY they're losing money.
I could lose 70 pounds and I still wouldn't be considered gorgeous, so I'm keeping it. Anyway, as you said, I'm able to avoid shallow idiot people hitting on me on looks alone, I'm not too hot on that changing.

Time for another trip to Europe, they like 'em big. Especially the tiny French men. As much as "little men crawling on me" is a little disturbing, those guys can COOK.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

true enough. Bollywood is certainly about curves. Not really full ones, yet. But the global taste is changing, and it is a global market more and more these days. :)

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

Been at that end -- been at the other end....
its enough to make a gal psycho (not that I havent always been psycho or anything. LOL)

I fight binges of both extremes when I deal with noice in my head... I dont need outside influences confirming bad habits.

Its gotta be where YOU are happy with you. when I find that place, I will clue you all in, meanwhile, I will keep fighting the good fight for a good medium ground.

[ladymoira.livejournal.com]

I have HUGE rants about size, dieting, and genetics...and....and...and... As well as many other nutrition related topics. The fact is genetics plays a huge role. We can't all be twigs. I'm on a weight loss kick right now not because I'm overweight or because I don't like myself. I'm doing it for health! I have to or I run the risk of another major surgery. THAT is one of the many reasons for weight loss. It should never be because of another person telling you that society hates you too. Blah on them! What many don't realize is that genetics play a HUGE role. It's still being studied why Inuit people have fewer cases of cardiovascular disease and other obesity related diseases despite the extra weight they have.

Ok, choir, I will shush now.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

rant away. I suspect *your* rants might be a wee bit extra educational. ;)

on a semi-related topic... tomorrow evening I see my nutritionist for the first time. I am *so* excited!

[coridan.livejournal.com]

Baby, you're totally hot the way you are now, if the pics are any indication.

Heavy, thin, they're all good! Hand me the battering ram!

Seriously, the thin chic is an excuse to sell diet products and make women feel bad about themselves.

CB

[coridan.livejournal.com]

Erk, Battering ram to *assault hollywood*, that is.

*blushes, heads to corner.*

CB

my own jumble of honest contradictions on the topic

[vorona.livejournal.com]

My version of that is hearing, often, "you have such a lovely face." Which means absolutely nothing to me, because I know very well what I look like. Eh. My own mother disapproved of my big ears, the non-ballet (short) length of my neck, my posture and my chin. So, whatever. When I hear "you have a great FACE," it only sounds as if it means "too bad about your weight." I can handle people saying things about my eyes, because I've heard that all my life and it's probably true... but again, sometimes it hits me as "too bad about your body, but hey, you have some eyes!"

I do find well-balanced, proportional, feminine, healthily VERY voluptuous women attractive. However, I cannot honestly jump on the "all fat is great in every way" platform. Yes, fuller women are lovable. Yes, zaftig, fuller bodies may work great for many people. But a combination of what I've read in medical news, and all the complaints of discomfort, fatigue, and illness that I've heard from heavier women including my own experience, leads me to a conclusion that's not going to be popular here. I don't think that extra weight is a good idea in itself. Personally, it is a big medical risk for me, because I can't afford the extra estrogen, so I have to reduce - even though my guy, my bashert, my Itzik, actually prefers a zaftig look and wishes I would not reduce. But I'm under doctor's orders to aim for a lower weight to prevent a recurrence of cancer. It's cold, brutal, medical truth. I need to be slimmer.

So here's the deal. I'm for acceptance. I understand that there are many factors, and people are different, and we end up being different weights and builds. Some of us have quite a range over our lifetimes. But life is too short to give anyone a hard time about LOOKS. Life is beautiful. Women are beautiful. And that human meat industry can back off with its destructive sales tactics. You know that's all about making us uneasy so we'll keep buying more destructive and unnecessary things. I distrust those who prefer all women to look as if they need to fuck for their supper. I despise the politics behind the Waif Look. And yet, I, personally, prefer feeling space between my thighs because it means they don't chafe. I prefer less strain on my joints.

I'm currently losing weight. I feel pretty good about it, for many good scientific reasons and some not-so-good, weak, narcissistic reasons. I won't lie and say it's ALL about survival, but most of it is really about survival. Cutting through all of this, we have to come back to acceptance. And listen, everyone: anyone who "likes" me better at 30 lbs less (what I've lost since last year) or 50 lbs less (my goal) can fuck off. I am the same person. I am the same person. Understanding and acceptance are love, to me. Anything less from a friend or a lover is not worth my time. Adoration is fine. I want it. But "approval" is cheap, fluffy, meaningless, useless, and false.

I wasn't "bad" for comforting myself with calories, or for being too fatigued or busy to maintain a thinner body. I'm not "good" for forcing myself to change my body. Like everyone else, I'm just holding on to my life force. Sometimes that has meant weighing more. Currently that means aiming at weighing less. The main thing... THE MAIN THING, is that being fully alive is what's "HOT." And criticizing a woman's being is NOT hot. Anyone who tells me to lose weight to look "hot" for him is automatically weak and undesirable to me.

Re: my own jumble of honest contradictions on the topic

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

yeah, as Lena pointed out, it is all about being *healthy*. Healthy is thinner on some women than others. Healthy can also be heavy (not to be confused with actually being obese, which is never healthy and the original medical definition of the term - not the newly remodeled one to suit political and financial machinations).

The main point of this rant is that I am tired of the women in the movies I watch either being villafied for being more than a size 4, or just plain being in the "no one is attracted to this person" role.

Lots of women are extremely sexy and perfectly healthy at size 10, size 12, size 8, size 14, size 16.

Personally, unless I am watching for it, or comparing photographs, I am unlikely to really notice that my friends have lost weight (barring the really dramatic weight losses). What *I* see when I look at people I know is not the weight (whatever that weight is) but the movement and the person. Dramatic weightloss changes how people move.

And I am happy for you that you are losing weight you want and need to lose, but I am mostly happy for the rest of us that you are doing so to be healthier. Maximum health = longer and happier life. And that means you will be around for a good long time. I am all kinds of happy about you sticking around for a good long while. :)

[bunegeria.livejournal.com]

that would have been a great time to use this line I want to try.

"I'm so sorry, I must have my asshole magnet on."

what makes you hot, is how you feel about yourself. and if someone is trying to change you to fit the mold they have in their mind, fuck em.

I knew this guy, who having failed to lose his virginity in college, (asad dweeby little guy) finally got lucky in summer stock theatre. This nice ASM decided to pop his cherry, and he dared to complain to me she didn't trim her pubic hair, and it shocked him. welcome to the real world we come in different sizes

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

egad.

in other news... I MISS YOU... we should hang out or something soon.

you *are* still in the Seattle area, yeah?

[trauma-hound.livejournal.com]

If the weight in question isn't affecting your health then fuck em. I happen to like curves as apposed to women that look like boys.

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

and you are far from alone with that preference. :)

[lawst.livejournal.com]

My doctor has finally settled into the fact that I can coem in for a check up and have normal blood pressure after having a triple latte, several cigarettes, and having driven (which will always raise my heart rate). She's also realised that I cannot track weight because if I'm exercising I will gain, not loose. I want to get down a pant size because I will feel better in general for health reasons.

My usual response to someone who gives me the "You'd be hot if..." is to look at them and say, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Not exactly Mr. Perfect, are you?" or (more frequently) "You'd be hot if you were taller."

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

how about "you might be hot if you actually had a personality".

but then, I can be bitchy. ;)

[hannahsarah.livejournal.com]

Aw HELL YEAH! I'm right behind you. :-)

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

woot!