dark moods.

[staxxy]

lots of reminders of my past, my more distant past. Places and people I haven't thought of in a long time...

and no H- not the ones you and I talked about.

It makes me feel old and tired. and very very sad.

and just a little violent and angry. so I didn't go out tonight at all.

I dunno. Going up to the hill during Pride seems to always leave me feeling really fucked up. I think perhaps I should avoid it in the future. :(

Maybe it is the problem with being Bisexual in a Hetero/Homo world. I think my Uncle's have a harder time dealing with me being Bi (they are Gay) than my Grandmother did (she was straight, just for reference). I dunno, maybe it is just all of the memories.

Think I will go cry for a while, or maybe kill things in a video game. Maybe both.

and then sleep.

Comments

[aaminahlefae.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you have the blues, lady. **HUG**
Remember the past tempers us, -makes us stronger.
I'm willing to bet you've learned many valuable
things in your past, so that's a positive thing.

Re: Learned a lot

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

it doesn't mean that some of it doesn't make me sad tho. I wouldn't change any of it. But it does still make me sad.

and there are a great many other things that are contibuting to my sadness. Financial concerns, and such as well. That is really the main thing.

dark moods

[vampyre11.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the darkness and depression make us who we are, if it was all light and smiles we would easily forget the scars that mould our existence. Don't get too down girl, let the ride take you and be creative with your journey.. darkness can be an extremely powerful paintbrush to work with.

Re: dark moods

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

eh.

sometimes the darkness is just darkness. The whole of our experiences is what makes us who we are.

and really there is more afoot than just the sadness remembered. Stresses and all...

But thanks for the happy thoughts.

*smoochies*

Re: dark moods

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

no problems.. I looked around your info page and saw that you are a friend of Ajka's which makes me wonder if you and I have ever met...

Re: dark moods

[vampyre11.livejournal.com]

Well I don't *think* we have met; we've been to the Merc with Grace a few times and really must start bugging people some more to sign us in until we get membership. I'm fairly shy and reserved which is a bad trait I know but since I got here from England last year, we haven't really met anyone. We were hoping to get to know people more over some parties this 4th but I don't think there are any :)
Anyways, sorry to keep rambling, nice to meet you and look forward to seeing/chatting with you again.

Re: dark moods

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I would like that very much. :)

Let me know when you want to go out to the club. I usually go on the weekends and I would be happy to guest you in some time.. :D

Re: dark moods

[vampyre11.livejournal.com]

ooo cool, thank you so much! the wife and I love to meet interesting new people.. is there anything happening on the 4th July you know about??? She thinks you're damn cute BTW, does that help towards being guested in??

Re: dark moods

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

meep. Well, it doesn't suck that she thinks I am cute. Gosh. But really, it doesn't make a difference towards being guested in.

the 4th I am going to an ungrateful day party at another friends house, so I shan't be going to the club that night.

But I am planning to go on the 6th, and might be going on the 5th if I can get a ride. *sigh* sometimes it really sucks that I don't drive.

Re: dark moods

[vampyre11.livejournal.com]

ok well a fair trade off then, we can give you a ride!! After having a conversation with the wife, it seems we are going out on the 6th to the catwalk for the goth nite and the 5th we are outta town.

If you see me on the seagoth board I'm chaosbitten. Just email away when you need a ride and/or company :)

Re: dark moods

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

I will. :D

Re: dark moods

[vampyre11.livejournal.com]

heh, don't worry about my innate ramblings; I can empathise is all, with what you were saying. lol don't worry about me, just a nosey new goth :)

Whew!

[imsosquare.livejournal.com]

I've enjoyed our rehashing past memories of familiar folks, but it has made me a little bummed out as well.

Whenever I go to Pride, I always miss Brian. The best cure I can think of is to go out there and have the BEST time we possibly can.

Anywho.... *hugs*.... anytime!

Re: Whew!

[staxxy.livejournal.com]

YAY!

I love Hugs!!!